I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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