I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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