Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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