OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
