Can i not drive my cunt home
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
