I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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