he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
