From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
