i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
