Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize