Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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