Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
