Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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