Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
