Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
