I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
