wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
