she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
