the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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