i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
