if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
