Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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