you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
