I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
