So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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