I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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