apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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