I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
