Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize