this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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