so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
