What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
