well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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