If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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