Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
3pm strippers are depressing
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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