I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize