She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
