pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
