I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just forgot I was standing up.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
