So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
