she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
