she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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