i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
