New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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