He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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