awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
