I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
