Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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