I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize