we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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