This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
