when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize