So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
