Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
do herpes really smell.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
