I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
