I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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