Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
