I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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