My first STD was from a foam party
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize