They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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