I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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