I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
