It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
