this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
