The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize