I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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