You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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