I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
