I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
