I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
