she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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