her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
