so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
