Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
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