while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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