She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
