We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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