she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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