Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize