Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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