I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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