Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
