There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
