She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
