I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
