i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize