do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
