he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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