Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize