Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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