so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
