I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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