Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
