Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
